Where Do I Go From Here
by Sanity's-overrated
Summary: "Don't," he whispered nervously as he unlocked his car. "Not everyone can be saved." Warning: Character death, Suicide, Angst, Slash
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Where Do I Go From Here

**Pairing: **Chris/Randy; Chris/Adam (friendship); Adam/Phil (hints)

**Rating: **R

**Warning: **Angst; Character Death; Suicide; Dark themes

**Author's Note: **I didn't intend to write something like this, but with the help of my ipod, this sort of wrote itself. With the help of 3 (very angsty) songs this piece came to life. It's based loosely around the songs Slow Dancing In A Burning Room ~ John Mayer, Your Call ~ Secondhand Serenade, and You're All I Need ~ Motley Cruë. If you know those three songs, especially the last one, you can tell where this fic is heading. Also, I would like to point out that the number used for the hotel room 4357, spells out HELP on a phone which is why I used it for the room number.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the people mentioned in this fic, I just like to borrow them for my entertainment ;D

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><p>'<em><strong>Nobody's gonna come and save you, we've pulled too many false alarms'<strong>_

A shot rang out piercing the darkness as it echoed down the deserted hallway. Adam jumped slightly, propping himself up in bed.

He stilled cocking his head as he listened again for a sound, anything really to prove there'd been a noise in the first place.

A second shot rang out, and any sleep that was still muddling Adam's thoughts vanished instantly.

That was a gun; there was no mistaking it now.

Frantically Adam tossed back the covers scrambling to pull a pair of discarded jeans on as he bolted for the door.

Looking down the hallway to see where the shots had come from, he saw a few of the guys already standing cautiously inside their doors peeking down the hallway.

He scanned the crowd quickly seeing Phil, John, Mike, Paul, Hunter; Adam's heart began beating frantically now that he'd scanned the crowd and couldn't find _him_.

Looking once more, he noticed one door still remained closed.

4357.

'_Fuck…'_

Adam moved from the doorway slowly approaching the closed door.

'_Please answer'_ he begged silently as he neared the door.

Phil saw Adam's movement and pushed off the wall to join him outside the door.

Adam was nervous as he approached the closed door. Biting his lip he knocked on the door, softly at first, but when those first knocks went unanswered he became a little more erratic.

Stopping briefly he leaned up against the door vainly trying to listen for any sound that someone was in that room.

He knocked again, more forcefully this time. "Goddammit Chris, open up this damn door!"

Adam was panicking now, stepping back he prepared to ram the door when no response was given.

The first time Adam's shoulder smacked into the door, he was pretty sure he'd bruised it.

The second time, he felt a sharp pain shoot through his arm leaving his fingers tingling, but he continued.

It was simple repetition. He lost count of how many times his shoulder hit that door, but he refused to give up.

Phil stood by watching sympathetically as Adam hurled his body into the door. He wanted to turn away from the display and erase the pained look on Adam's face from his mind, but he couldn't bring himself to look away. He wanted to reach out and help Adam, but he didn't know how, so he stood by helplessly watching as Adam rammed the door once more.

Adam knew in the back of his mind that this was absolutely pointless by now, but he forced himself to continue.

"Adam," Phil's voice was soft, barely above a whisper. "It's over."

That was the breaking point.

Adam whirled around to face Phil "No it's not!" he screeched. "He could be fine," he continued thought it sounded like he was having a hard enough time convincing himself.

Kicking the door Adam yelled "I can still save him!"

The rest of the hallway looked on in shock as Adam seemed to break right before their eyes.

Tears streaming down his face, Adam's next kick finally split the door from the hinges.

Pushing in the caved door, Adam ran into the room quickly followed by Phil.

The sight that greeted the two was pure chaos.

The mattress was thrown across the floor, drawers laid open, clothes strewn along the floor, fragments of broken glass littered the area between the bathroom and bedroom, and the fluorescent lights flickered shining eerily from the bathroom.

Slowly Adam walked further into the destroyed room, Phil following behind closely.

Rounding the mattress Adam fell to his knees, all he could manage was a mumbled "Oh God."

Phil inched forward to peer over Adam's shoulder at what was behind the mattress.

"Someone call the fucking ambulance!" he yelled racing back outside "Now!"

Rushing back inside Phil joined Adam on his knees wrapping an arm around the fallen Canadian as he continued to sob from his spot on the floor.


	2. Chapter 2

***IMPORTANT PLEASE READ A/N***

**A/N: This story flips between present time and a flashback to help piece together what happened. It starts off present time and every other chapter will be a flashback. Hopefully that doesn't get too confusing with the time jumps.**

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><p><em><strong>'Don't go weak on me please'<strong>_

"Knock it off Adam," Chris hissed swatting away the younger man's hands.

"Aww is Chrissy a widdle ticklish," Adam teased taking a sip of his drink.

"No!" Chris protested backing away from Adam's fingers.

"Uh-huh, sure," Adam replied smirking.

"Just quit it, you don't want Randy getting the wrong idea," Chris joked winking.

Adam's laughter cut off at the mere mention of the third generation superstar.

Frowning slightly he looked down at his drink. He didn't know why Chris was with Randy anyway, the man was a complete ass. Chris was his best friend, and Adam hated seeing him mistreated, least of all by the hands of a pretentious self-entitled youngster who had ridden in on daddy's coattails.

Sensing the change in Adam's mood Chris turned his stool to face him.

"Hey do Jäger shots with me Addy."

Looking up at Chris Adam smirked slightly. "We're not in college anymore ya know."

Pouting Chris leaned against the bar batting his eyelashes as he whined "But I want to do shots."

Adam grinned at Chris' display before turning to get to get the bartender's attention. "Shot of Jäger, make it a double, same for my friend here."

Chris smiled at his victory; he could always get Adam to say yes.

Drinks set out in front of them now Adam turned to face Chris pushing a shot towards him.

Lifting his own shot he rattled off a cheesy salute to best friends before tipping back the drink.

Chris followed suit, throwing back his shot in one fluid motion.

Grimacing Adam shook his head as the bitter taste of Jäger filled his mouth.

Stifling a giggle Chris shook his head "Light weight."

Adam stuck his tongue out "Shaddup."

Toying with the second glass in front of him Chris sent a sideways glance at Adam. "So, when you planning on asking Phil out," he asked nonchalantly trying to get Adam off guard.

Adam smirked circling his finger on the brim of his second shot. "I'm waiting for the perfect moment," he replied cautiously before quickly continuing "you know he's still upset that Jeff shipped off to TNA."

Chris nodded "Yea sure, way to make excuses."

"Now that's not fair Chris, you know I want to ask him, but it's just not the right timing."

Chris scoffed, "oh, and what is the 'right time' Adam?"

"I don't know, I just–" Adam fumbled with a response before Chris cut him off.

"Did it ever occur to you that now's the 'perfect time' you just need to man up and ask him? Adam, you need to ask him soon before you wind up missing out on a great opportunity."

Adam prepared to protest that it wasn't good timing at all when he saw Chris reach in his pocket for his phone.

Flashing an apologetic look Chris excused himself from the bar mouthing '_I'll be right back'_

Adam nodded he knew that look, Randy was calling.

Watching Chris maneuver through the crowd Adam reached for the second shot tossing it back ignoring the burn that followed.

He quickly ordered a beer knowing he had his work cut out for him and tonight was going to be a long night.

Adam replayed Chris' remarks in his mind taking a sip from the chilled glass bottle.

Chris was right; he was making excuses to postpone asking Phil out. He wanted nothing more than to be with Phil, but there was that fear of rejection that was holding him back.

Swishing the amber liquid in his mouth Adam allowed his mind to wander back to Phil. Perhaps he was over thinking matters, maybe all he needed to do was go for it already and march up to Phil and ask him out.

Adam snorted at the mental image that produced.

Marching was a no, but he did plan on asking Phil out. Soon.

Adam was nursing his third beer by the time Chris resurfaced.

His eyes were red, like he'd been crying, and he seemed quieter than before when he sat back down.

Taking his shot Chris sighed looking at Adam. "You know, maybe I should call it a night."

Grinding his teeth Adam tensed griping the bottle in his hand.

"Is that what Randy told ya to say?"

Chris flinched. "Please don't do this Adam, not here," he murmured pleadingly.

Staring at Chris Adam stuck out his chin defiantly. "Why not, it's the truth and you know it."

Chris' eyes flashed in anger "you don't know what you're talking about," he bit out in response.

"I know more than you think," Adam seethed. "I know he hits you, treats you like crap. I know you deserve better, and can do better. There is however one thing I don't know; why do you stay with him?"

Chris had heard enough and pushed pass Adam heading to the exit.

Laying some money on the bar Adam hurried after Chris.

Making it to the parking lot he was finally able to catch up with Chris as he reached out gripping his wrist.

"Chris, just wait a minute."

"Why do you hate Randy so much," Chris shot back his voice wavering slightly.

"You're my best friend Chris; I don't want to see you hurt."

Chris scoffed pulling his hand away from Adam as he backed away from the taller blond.

"I can help you," Adam spoke softly.

Chris whirled around huffing in frustration. "You can't save everyone Adam."

Eyes cast down, a whisper escaped past Adam's lips. "I can still try."

Chris' face softened "don't," he whispered swallowing nervously as he unlocked his car. "Not everyone can be saved."

Adam watched Chris begin to pull out of the parking space before running forward to tap on the window.

Crouching down beside the vehicle Adam waited patiently for Chris to roll down the window.

"I'm sorry," Adam murmured. "I don't want you leaving mad, you know I hate it when we fight."

Chris smiled meekly "I'm not mad Addy, just tired."

Biting his bottom lip Adam hesitated before leaning forward and placing a feather light kiss on Chris' cheek "stay safe."

Sighing Chris looked at Adam, lips turning upwards at the corners, and for a moment he seemed happy again. "Don't you go all soft on me now," he chided a twinkle in his eyes.

Adam laughed "Me? Never," he replied shaking his head.

Chris smiled "I have to go Addy, see you tomorrow," he spoke as he put the car back in to drive.

Adam stood up backing away for Chris to pull out.

Waving goodbye Adam chuckled softly as Chris gunned it peeling out of the parking lot, fish tailing slightly as he pulled out onto the dark road ahead.

He stood there watching as Chris left, only turning away when the tail lights were noting more than specks in the distance.

Turning away slowly Adam gave one final look to the empty road. "Promise," he whispered knowing the request fell on deaf ears but silently praying the sentiment was felt.


	3. Chapter 3

_**'We're going down and you know that we're doomed'**_

Adam felt like he was in a daze, a dream like state. _'No,' _he shook his head placing it in his hands. This was a nightmare. Hell on Earth.

He didn't want to speak with anyone; thankfully Phil was here dealing with the paramedics and police officers

Adam didn't think he would be able to talk to anyone about what happened. He just needed to be left alone, he felt like breaking but knew there wasn't time for that now. Instead he would sit here with his head held in his hands replaying the horrible sight he'd walked into while he tried to come up with answers.

He felt lost. _'Why would he do something like this'_ he didn't have the answer, and he wished he did.

"Mr. Copeland, we need for you to come identify the bodies."

Adam looked up wearily at the young coroner who stood before him. The tears had subsided, but the tracks that ran across his face were still present. Face solemn, he nodded the movement barely perceptible, before standing up to follow the man.

His legs felt shaky when he rose, but he knew he needed to get up and move. They needed his help now, and he couldn't duck out of this. Slowly he walked behind the man following him to the back room.

Everything was like a blur. The room was over run with paramedics and there was constant talking going on as the police tried to figure out what had happened, but Adam was numb to all of it. He was cut off from the craziness that surrounded him, a hollowed out person just going through the motions. His feet carried him forward, and for that he was glad. At least one part of him knew what to do next.

Eventually his feet came to a stop when he reached the back room. Standing outside that door he felt his entire body tense as he looked at the twin black bags laid out on two gurneys.

Swallowing nervously Adam inched forward making his way closer to the bags. He held his breath as he saw the man reach for the zipper on the first bag.

A sob left his body when the bag was unzipped revealing his friend's pale cold face.

Adam turned away quickly, tears filling his eyes once more. He couldn't stand to continue looking at what had become of his friend.

Phil was by his side in a second pulling him away before giving a nod to the coroner.

Adam felt himself being led out of the room and ushered down the hallway. He didn't know exactly where he was going, but his feet followed where Phil led him.

Images swirled around in his head, some fond memories of Chris, others he'd rather not have.

Blond hair matted down with blood, body cold and lifeless laying stiffly in the confines of a black bag. His dress shirt soaked through with blood, ripped slightly from the entrance of the bullet. He was shadow of the lively person he once was, now reduced to a corpse devoid of any life, just a hallow body.

Adam felt himself be lowered to a bed and he turned to look up at Phil. "Why'd he do it? Why'd he have to leave us Phil?"

Phil sighed taking a seat on the bed next to Adam. "I don't know," he murmured softly as he clasped his hands together. "I just don't know Adam."

Anger filled Adam. He wanted answers. He needed to know why his best friend was no longer here, why he'd been forcibly taken from him.

"It's _his_ fault. I told Chris Randy was trouble," he spoke rising up from the bed.

Phil looked up watching Adam begin to pace before the bed.

Adam was huffing in frustration now. He looked like an animal caged as he stalked back and forth in front of the bed. "He's an ass! A selfish prick, yeah that's what he is," Adam ranted. "He took Chris away. He took him away from us, the fucking bastard! I hate _him_," Adam yelled his voice cracking slightly.

Phil cleared his throat locking eyes with Adam. "Adam listen to yourself, I know you're upset, but you need to calm down."

Adam glared at Phil but heeded the command and stopped his pacing to cross his arms over his chest. Taking in a few breaths of air first Adam locked eyes with Phil. "Happy? I'm calm."

Phil's eyes narrowed slightly at the tone Adam had. He knew Adam was pissed, and rightfully so. His best friend had just been killed by the scum he called a boyfriend. Phil didn't much care for Randy, but he knew if he didn't get Adam calm soon the blond would end up doing something stupid.

"It's a start," Phil replied curtly leveling his gaze at Adam.

Adam sighed his tough guy façade breaking slightly as he dropped his arms to his side. "It's not fair."

Phil bit his bottom lip nodding at Adam's comment knowing the blond was about to go off again.

"This shouldn't have happened. He shouldn't be in a fucking body bag right now! We were going to hang out tomorrow. It was his day off for crying out loud!" Adam shouted. "Phil, Chris is gone, and I couldn't save him. I tried, I really did, but it wasn't enough," Adam spoke his voice breaking off at the end.

Phil got up from the bed coming behind Adam as he wrapped his arms around him. "Hey, it's not your fault Adam. You know that right?"

Adam nodded softly, but the tears continued to fall.

Moving to stand in front of Adam, Phil brought a hand to Adam's chin lifting it up so they were looking at one another. "I'm serious, this isn't your fault. Chris was damn lucky to have a friend like you."

Adam sniffled but the formation of a smile could be seen cracking the surface.

Phil smiled back at Adam. "Damn lucky," he reiterated. "And I know that he wouldn't want to see you like this now."

A suppressed laugh burst forth from Adam as he wiped his eyes. "He'd say I was going soft on him," he replied smiling.

Phil smirked seeing Adam was openly smiling now. He was glad to see a spark back in Adam, he didn't know if he would have been able to handle seeing the blond a broken mess any longer.

Reaching out Phil tucked a piece of Adam's hair behind his ear "You ready to talk with the police now?"

Adam nodded swallowing he bit his lip "Can you come downtown with me to the station?"

Phil was a bit taken by surprise at the request. He was thankful to be helping the blond out; he just didn't think Adam would want him tagging along, but since he asked Phil jumped at the opportunity to go with Adam. "Yea, I'll go with you," he replied. "Just let me get my phone and the room key."

Adam watched as Phil walked around the side of the bed to the dresser producing the rectangular key as he pocketed his cell phone. He was glad Phil had agreed to go with him. He figured that Phil would jump at the chance to ditch a mourning Canadian for sleep, but was pleasantly surprised when the Chicago native agreed to join him for the ride.

Turning around to face Adam Phil stuck the key in his back pocket. "You ready to go?"

"After you," Adam replied motioning to the door.

Phil smirked walking back around the bed and heading to the door.

"Hey Phil," Adam called out when the younger man reached the door. "Thanks again for coming along."

Phil smiled at Adam. "No problem, I'm glad to help. Now get a move on," he ribbed as he walked out the door.

Adam nodded in appreciation before taking off walking a little faster to catch up with Phil. Closing the door after him Adam continued on after Phil.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: **Ok so I'm sorry this took so long in posting, I got wrapped up in a college summer assignment and couldn't think straight enough to write for this….It's way easier to write one shots off of Wrapped Around The iPod than this, but FINALLY I have updated! This chapter has been sitting on my laptop for the better part of a month half written and finally yesterday something clicked. Whether it was because my brother wanted to watch Blade2 (which I didn't) the fact I made a wrestling football team on Madden or that I put my iPod on a strictly Matchbox 20 playlist I'm not sure, but this chapter just started flowing! Hopefully it won't take me as long on chapter 5, but I will say by the end of this month my updates will probably become less frequent because I will be dealing with college courses full time but fear not I will find time for updates

Also, as I mentioned earlier I was listening to Matchbox 20, namely Bed of Lies...I think it may have bled through on this chapter XD

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><p>'<em><strong>Don't you know I feel the darkness closing in'<strong>_

Stepping outside Chris barely registered the cold air that nipped at his face before he brought his cell phone to his ear giving a rushed "Hello" hoping he had answered in enough time.

He lets out a sigh of relief when he wasn't greeted with a dial tone but a voice on the other end of the line.

'_Thank God'_ He could only imagine what would have happened had he not answered the call in enough time. The questions that would follow, undoubtedly the accusations of cheating he would hear yet again. Yes it was a good thing that he answered the phone in enough time.

"Where are you?"

The question was curt at best, but Chris was used to that tone. He heard it often.

"I'm over at the bar by the airport. I told you I was going out for drinks with Adam," Chris replied.

As soon as the words left his mouth he regretted them instantly. He realized too late that he'd made the mistake of mentioning Adam. Because even though they'd been over the fact that Adam was simply a friend he knew that it bugged Randy that he hung out with him.

The response that he received on the other end of the line sounded rather pissed off and Chris flinched at the tone of the words that greeted him.

"Adam's with you?" The question dripped not only with the sound of utter annoyance but an underlying hint of jealousy woven in as well.

Gulping Chris nodded first before remember that did no good because Randy couldn't see him through the telephone, but before he could respond he was cut off by another question.

"Well is he?" The anger's more evident now, filling each word of the question.

"He's not here right now if that's what you're asking." Chris mentally kicked himself for that one. Sarcasm was the last thing he needed right now but he couldn't help himself it was like a second language to him.

"Don't get smart with me."

Chris closed his eyes sighing, there was no use arguing now, he could tell Randy was drunk right now, and when he was drunk he got jealous, especially where Adam was involved.

"Sorry," he mumbled into the receiver.

There's a low grumbling and Chris isn't sure but he thinks Randy's mumbled 'You better be.' Shaking his head Chris looks around to make sure he's still alone before he continues talking. Rubbing his fingers along the hem of his shirt he replies "Randy we're just celebrating tonight's taping."

"I want you back at the hotel now."

It's not a request; it never is, no it's a demand. Chris sighs holding the phone a little tighter as he stares down at the tiled floor. "You want me to leave now?"

There's a pause on the other end of the line and then Randy's voice is back in Chris' ear as cold as ever. "Did I stutter? I want you to leave now and come back to the hotel."

Biting his bottom lip Chris dares to ask another question. He knows he shouldn't, that he should just drop it otherwise he's going to make things worse on himself, but he's always been hardheaded.

"So I'm just supposed to leave Adam here at the bar without saying a word?"

Randy growls his voice sounding rough across the phone line "are you listening to a fucking word I'm saying? I don't care what the hell you tell Adam I just want you back here in the hotel now."

Chris shudders at the sound of Randy's voice and sighs in defeat. There's going to be hell to pay when he gets back to the hotel, he just knows it. Rather than dig himself in a deeper hole Chris just mumbles out a "fine."

"Good." Chris can almost hear the smirk in Randy's response but he bites his tongue; he's said enough already.

"Alright I'm heading out," Chris whispers.

"And Chris, you better not keep me waiting."

The line goes dead after that remark, but Chris has still got the phone held up to his ear. He's really gone and done it this time. Randy sounded absolutely pissed on the phone.

Closing his eyes in frustration Chris slowly brings the phone down from his ear allowing it to hang uselessly by his side. Hot tears burn his eyes as he takes a deep breath trying to calm himself down. Bringing his empty hand up to rake over his face he rubs furiously at his eyes trying to will himself to stop crying. It's not going to help matters, and the last thing he wants is to let Adam see him crying. Wiping the last of the tears from his eyes Chris exhales softly sending a gaze heavenward.

"I know that it's weak but God help me I need this," he murmurs shuddering slightly as he rubs his thumb over the screen of his cell phone. Swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat Chris choked back the new tears he felt forming and pocketed the cell.

Pushing off the wall he turned back to the entrance of the bar. He still didn't know what he was going to tell Adam, but he knew he had to leave. He couldn't afford to keep Randy waiting on him. He hoped that Adam would understand and let him leave without much protest, because to be honest he didn't think he could deal with fending off Adam's questions tonight. Not after listening to Randy.

Navigating through the crowd making his way back to where Adam sat cradling a beer at the bar he silently prayed everything would go smoothly. If there really was a God up there then perhaps Adam wouldn't say anything when Chris would tell him he had to leave and maybe just maybe when he got back to the hotel Randy would be passed out on the bed.

That is if there really was a God.


End file.
